tank man, tanked woman

A not-overly-Chn of-Chn-descent associate of mine caught a documentary on SBS last night about the "incident" that took place at Tian'anmen Square in early June 1989, and asked for "my thoughts on it". As with all things remotely "political" (in the conventional sense of that word at least), I don't have an opinion on what-happened or what-it-all-meant. I can only say a little about what-I-thought-happened and what-it-meant-to-me. (Yah, stark distinctions there.)

I was six years old at the time of the tank man. Even with my astounding perceptiveness and unparalleled memory, little of the initial impact remains:

People talked about it even where we were, on the other side of the country. So whatever media blackout that'd been implemented wasn't an entire success. How could it be, in a land of twelve-plus billion.

There was something about a highly esteemed (until then, that is) newsreader getting the sack (as well as having more nasty stuff happen to him) for refusing to ... follow the auto-cue, basically. I think it's stuck with me because it was the first, maybe the only, different thing that I noticed anyone (meaning the anchor; not whoever took care of him) do.

Phrases like "reactionary elements", "counterrevolutionaries", "restoring the peace" got bounced around in the media, as can be expected. But "delinquents", "troublemakers", "crowd control" seemed to be more user-friendly alternatives around the dinner table; and even these came up only occasionally, with ambivalence.

Whatever its global/historical significance, the "incident" touched my tiny unremarkable life in a tangible way: it made it more difficult for my father to leave the country. (Haha y'all were expecting something more dramatic/traumatic, weren't ya?) If my family hadn't been stressing over dad's visa application, they'd've had even less reason to touch upon the subject.

I remember having questions, but not what they were. I remember having them dodged by the grown-ups I'd asked, but not how. Not that I asked many questions growing up; I preferred to speculate and theorise. My people (take that however you like) are not the communicating kind.

Cut to high school. I discovered docos on SBS like the one my associate did last night. I researched a bit. But my stamina waned when I realised that I wasn't all that interested in finding out what-really-happened, nor did I care for anybody's take on the matter. Whatever happened happened, and it didn't work, however much awakening/upheaval/coming-of-age spin you put on it. And that was what, if anything, I took from this page in the history books.

Nature or nurture, protest in all its marching/chanting/petition-flogging/hunger-striking/... glory, isn't in my blood. I don't follow the news (I'll need to once work starts, but only with considerable discipline and feigned enthusiasm). I admire people who have politics and are able to articulate and advance them, even the ones with stupid ideas and stupider ways of expressing them; but I have no similar aspirations. You could say that I'm big on Control, and try to avoid getting worked up over things-I-can't-do-much-about.

Such is not the mentality of a future world leader, I suspect. But does it necessarily make me feeble-minded / near-sighted / globally irresponsible? Fine, maybe it does. But I have my way and I'm stickin' to it.

Time may be infinite, but my time on earth isn't. Human suffering may be boundless, but that of those around me might be abated, but only to an extent directly proportional to the amount of time I don't squander on contemplating Higher Truths and formulating Abstract Solutions. I'll still indulge in the squandering from time to time (unfortunate and inadvertent pun), but purpose is to be found elsewhere - somewhere more conspicuous and less convoluted, I hope.

I am acutely aware of the infinitesimal ripple that my existence could foreseeably cause in the giant stale pond of all-that-is-wrong-with-the-world. However, what is faith but belief in the Interconnectedness of Everything? Do no harm, and a little good each day, everyone - and the world shall keep spinnin' nicely ... until it doesn't, obviously, but that's nothing us homo sapiens should lose sleep over.