today has been okay

As I wobbled towards lab this morning, hugging an ice bucket that hugged pig lung, through the courtyard with the smoking nurses, the smell of after-rain hovering over that of flowers, it was Moment of Advanced Disorientation (MAD) #37. MAD is one who understands not how one's gotten to where one is. <= Not grammatical, sure, but effective.

I had had high hopes. To like what I do if not doing what I love. To like who I am if not loved by those I love. To have dreams and passions. To be the daughter that my family needs. To be nowhere I don't want to be. ... How our plans fail us. Or rather, how I am hindered by conceit.

To the ones who worry and are owed an explanation: I am not to be pitied or encouraged, for I have been guilty of unspeakable spite.