living in hope

They all look about the same from behind, right?

One revolting, revolting individual who shall remain anonymous only out of the goodness in my heart

Unrelatedly, here's a record of what I'm doing for $ at the moment, to add to the already lengthy list of things-to-look-back-&-laugh-at-in-better-times-if-such-times-ever-materialise.

[Times are approximate and vary depending on mood, weather, mode of transport, how bravely I've slept in, etc. All scientific terminology correct to the best of author's knowledge. Some steps omitted for your enjoyment. Note delicious choice of text colour.]

08.20 Arrive at slaughterhouse, change into hott green overall and boots, meet partner-in-crime

08.30 Enter holding room, corner pig, restrain by its hind legs so partner can grab the front, lift and place legs through net atop modified trolley while pig squeals something shocking

08.40 Grip two trotters in each hand while pig continues to squeal and partner tries to put it to sleep (and succeeds... usually)

08.50 Transport sleeping booty to post-mortem room, poison with green nasty delivered i.v. via ear, open chest, bleed out, harvest lung, work some high-power water-pistol magic on puddle of blood at our feet

09.20 Clean up, divvy up lobes between us, bid adieu

[Currently excused from all of the above, compliments of poor unsuspecting American fella visiting partner's lab. Not for much longer but.]

10.00 Hit lab, isolate airway of appropriate dimensions from left upper lobe, mount onto apparatus that mimicks mechanics of breathing by repeatedly stretching and unstretching airway

[The idea, you see, is to find out whether gasping helps during an asthmatic reaction. That is, other than making the whole thing a bit more dramatic and watchable.]

11.15 Load nerves with radioactive goody so that whatever gets released later can be counted: 1 hr (morning tea, check email, read, nap in car)

12.15 Wash tissue so that the only radioactive goodness is in the nerves: 2 hrs (i-lecture, another nap, more study if required and/or inclined, DVD, be interrupted by HBE who is convinced that I'm watching porn and not sharing, be interrupted by Stalker who is convinced of far more disturbing matters)

14.30 Collect fluid flowing through system at 3min intervals, and thereby exacerbating my mild OCD: 2+ hrs (more DVD or reading, no more napping)

17.30 Squirt goo into each vial, count radioactive decay

18.00 Tidy up, wait for counts if can be bothered, toddle off if not