unsolicited

Purport: spin-doctoring for a spun-out doctor-to-be
Substance: the usual head-in-ass self-aggrandising crap
Premise: don't worry be happy

not liking everything about yourself?

• you're a rational, perceptive, conscientious individual who always strives to better yourself.
• keep your perceived inadequacies to yourself. bluff, and the world will laugh with you.

all work and no play make for gloomy days?

• fun is a state of mind. conceal well with a stern, studious exterior.
• work now, rule later.

contemplating infidelity?

• see above.
• for a member of the Developed West (be it nations or suburbs), you have attained a level of Enlightenment which most never will - namely, that of Heart Over Head.

experiencing alcohol withdrawal?

• good. maybe your liver will have a chance after all.

having difficulties meeting like-minded people?

• you're fiercely individual, and should shun anyone who attempts to stifle your essence. Woody Allen put it best: never belong to a club that would have you as a member.
• besides, more friends => more drinking/whining/infidelity => less time for introspection/world domination/rehabilitating your liver. not worth it, I say.

unsure, anxious, scared even - about the direction your life is headed?

• congratulations. at last we have proof that you're human.
• forget the destination. remember the scenic routes.