on the origin of specious
This pun occurred to me some time ago as the title for a post which never materialised and the gist of which I no longer recall. More recently I saw the same phrase in a novel by one of my favourite writers. What can I say - great minds think alike.
Tonight mum and dad checked out my pad for the first time since I moved out of their house. This is newsworthy because I had no idea when It would happen, if at all; in retrospect I am surprised that I hadn't given It more thought, being someone with (seemingly) such family-focused priorities.
At least I made it happen, at last. Put out the invite two weeks ago, planned a three-course meal well in advance, tidied up the house a bit this afternoon, even got changed out of my usual homewear (allegedly plus-size kiddie pyjamas). Oh the labour of love that went into that meal! I don't think I've ever gone to half the trouble to impress a "love interest". (Should I be worried about this?)
Of course all that I did for me. There may have been an element of a filial tendency to reassure and pamper, but mostly, I just wanted mum and dad to see that my world hasn't crumbled without their pillars of strength nor is showing any sign of doing so in the foreseeable future.
To me the expression "mum and dad" somehow connotes a needy affectionate symbiosis which simply has never characterised the way I relate to them, as a unit. Give or take the intervening years of uncertainty it would seem that they shall be a unit in the end, at least to most intents and purposes of a daughter. These two people I have known for longer than I've known anybody else in my life, whom I know better than any child could hope/want to know about a parent, more even than a parent ought to allow a child to know. Toward them I feel a profound sense of responsibility, of belonging, not at all borne out of guilt gratitude or indebtedness (or am I committing tautologies here?) - feelings perfectly inexplicable to me because of how little they know me.
I don't mean to discount the bond between N and I, but I know that part of it, in particular a part of those parts over which I have any control, is traceable to a need to hold on, to remain involved in this little family of ours. N is my gateway to the rest of them. If she hadn't come into the world I am certain I'd be feeling more estranged than I do now on a bad day.
Tonight mum and dad checked out my pad for the first time since I moved out of their house. This is newsworthy because I had no idea when It would happen, if at all; in retrospect I am surprised that I hadn't given It more thought, being someone with (seemingly) such family-focused priorities.
At least I made it happen, at last. Put out the invite two weeks ago, planned a three-course meal well in advance, tidied up the house a bit this afternoon, even got changed out of my usual homewear (allegedly plus-size kiddie pyjamas). Oh the labour of love that went into that meal! I don't think I've ever gone to half the trouble to impress a "love interest". (Should I be worried about this?)
Of course all that I did for me. There may have been an element of a filial tendency to reassure and pamper, but mostly, I just wanted mum and dad to see that my world hasn't crumbled without their pillars of strength nor is showing any sign of doing so in the foreseeable future.
To me the expression "mum and dad" somehow connotes a needy affectionate symbiosis which simply has never characterised the way I relate to them, as a unit. Give or take the intervening years of uncertainty it would seem that they shall be a unit in the end, at least to most intents and purposes of a daughter. These two people I have known for longer than I've known anybody else in my life, whom I know better than any child could hope/want to know about a parent, more even than a parent ought to allow a child to know. Toward them I feel a profound sense of responsibility, of belonging, not at all borne out of guilt gratitude or indebtedness (or am I committing tautologies here?) - feelings perfectly inexplicable to me because of how little they know me.
I don't mean to discount the bond between N and I, but I know that part of it, in particular a part of those parts over which I have any control, is traceable to a need to hold on, to remain involved in this little family of ours. N is my gateway to the rest of them. If she hadn't come into the world I am certain I'd be feeling more estranged than I do now on a bad day.
posted by In2MeC at 11:03 pm
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