would I?

Dr Prozac and I discussed whether we would smack our (respective and hypothetical) children. It got me thinking a lot more than she might've expected.

My initial response: not as a formally acknowledged and carefully implemented disciplinary measure, but I can easily envisage times when I'd be driven to. This, on second thought, is completely archaic and reveals a lot about my upbringing.

Without going into gory detail, growing up I was never so much 'disciplined' as I was a vent for my disciplinarian's elsewhere-sourced frustration. A compliant and oft-used vent at that. The upshot of it is, I guess, while I see absolutely no deterrent or educational value in smacking and the like, I know I'll find it in me to excuse myself should I ever hit a little one.

That's part of what I mean when I say I'm afraid of becoming like my parents. Which, in turn, isn't the only reason for my not wanting children but probably a bigger one than I care to admit.

I have hit N. Many times. Often out of anger but always as a sibling and not a parent, i.e. with a mutual unspoken understanding that it's a fight and that she can hit back.